Nomadic Neil

[Photo Credit: Tjeerd]

There’s a little bar close to where I’m staying that I used to hang out at. It’s basically a small shack surrounded by bar stools. There you can sit out in the open watching football (soccer) on TV, meet fellow tourists and get tricked into drinking horrible Thai whiskey to the amusement of the barman. All good fun, but sadly no longer for me. I’ve been informed through my friend that I am no longer welcome at the bar or allowed on the premises of the bungalow resort next door which is run by the same people (I stayed there for a week when I first arrived on the island). My friends, through their association with me, are also barred.

So what kind of behaviour has led to me becoming a persona non grata? Have I been smoking pot on the premises with the Swedish stoner dude. No I haven’t. In any case a blind eye is turned to drug use and the stoner guy is back in Scandinavia courtesy of the Swedish embassy. (He was walking around naked shouting obscenities at people. Probably due to one too many ‘Happy Milkshakes’, milkshakes that include psychedelic mushrooms as one of the ingredients).

Was it because I was drinking too much and causing embarrassing scenes? Vomiting on the bar and singing ‘Hotel California’ at the top of my lungs? Not really, I prefer water and soft-drinks, only drinking the occasional beer or cocktail as to not cause offense to the staff. To be honest if I had the choice I wouldn’t drink alcohol at all, but being the ‘rich tourist’ means I sometimes have to compromise in that area.

Maybe it was because I was taking an interest in the local Thai women, accidentally chatting up somebody’s daughter, sister, girlfriend or wife? Not true either. I’m not attracted to Thai women and my only interactions with them are with the waitresses in the restaurants and shop assistants.

The reason I am no longer welcome at my local, so my friend has been told, is that I’m ‘too good with the tourist ladies, and steal them away’. Yes, that’s right, it turns out that I am in fact a ladies man. How they got this impression I’m not entirely sure. I used to be quite shy as a child and made efforts to be more outgoing and social as a teenager. This means that I make a conscious effort to talk to people around me. Old or young, man or women, it doesn’t matter. So when I was staying at the resort I remember speaking to pretty much everyone, including those that everyone else ignored like the old chain-smoking German couple and the Swedish stoner.

Now the local Thai guys have a habit of falling in love with pretty much any Western (Developed Country / 1st world) girl that speaks with them for a few minutes. I think it’s because they spend a lot of time listening to cheesy love-ballads which has affected how they experience the male / female dynamic. So all the time that I thought I was being cool and courteous by introducing my Thai ‘friends’ to any women I was talking with, maybe they were actually growing resentful of me? The problem is that most Thai people just don’t speak English that well, so any attempt at a conversation with a Western girl quickly falls flat. Obviously my tales of high-adventure and my quest for fortune and glory are just leaving them in the dust, while I cruise off into the sunset on my moped with a girl on the back. Yes, in my imagination!

I think there are other factors at play, the fact that I moved from their resort to a different one 2 minutes away and being perceived as being cheap because I don’t want to drink a bucket of Jack Daniels, Red Bull and Coke every night could be playing a part. Anyway, there are plenty of other places for me hang out in the evening, I just hope this island isn’t so tight-knit that I get banned from other bars.

This incident does bring up the interesting topic of what kind of behaviour is deemed acceptable between the sexes in different parts of the world. For example the south of Thailand has a Muslim influence and the locals will ask that tourists to make sure they are dressed conservatively when away from the beach (that means not walking into a restaurant in a bikini).

Many parts of the world don’t share our decadent Western ways and places like Saudi Arabia, Indonesia and Iowa aren’t comfortable with public displays of affection. The basic rules that you should follow are:

1. No hugging or kissing in public. Couples holding hands is usually ok, but check first.
2. Sex on the Beach (or on the Road as I saw in one bar) is just a cocktail. Not something you should do in certain countries like this couple.
3. Don’t chat up the locals. Many countries have a tradition of arranged marriages. People meet through friends and family. The girls you meet at the bar are probably ‘professionals’.
4. Dress appropriately. Bikinis are usually ok on the beach but anywhere else women need to be covered up. Guys can usually get away with t-shirts and singlets.
5. Observe the locals and do as they do, and if in doubt, just ask.

Have you had any experiences like this when travelling? Maybe you accidentally offended someone or had to fend off enthusiastic advances from the locals? Discuss it in the comments section.

Stay cool, stay awesome.