How I came to my decision: The emotional version
Warning! This post contains a lot of swearing.
I always wonder how much of our lives is driven by emotions and rationalizations rather than strict rationality. I think we’re a lot more emotion driven than we think, in fact I think for many people only a small percentage of their decision making is rational. With that in mind I think it’s only fair to give you the emotional / irrational version of how I came to my decision to quit my job and go to Thailand in order to build up online income sources.
I think it was in the Autumn of 2008, I was sitting at work, watching TV (we always have Sky News or BBC News 24 on). There was a report on about the collapse of Lehman brothers and how everyone was so shocked an nobody saw this crisis coming, blah blah blah, same old, same old. And then it happened. I thought:
Fuck em.
Fuck em all.
Fuck the no-nothing journalists.
Fuck the bankers for leeching off the economic ecology to the point of systemic failure, yet again.
Fuck the economists who think they can predict things with their ‘models’, again.
Fuck the government for letting it all happen, again.
Fuck my commute to work.
Fuck reports
Fuck meetings
Fuck corporate gobble-de-gook.
Fuck corporate ‘mission statements’ and ‘values’.
Fuck wearing a suit.
Fuck my job.
Fuck how it will look on my CV / Resume.
Fuck having a career.
Fuck the economy.
Fuck feeling guilty over the fact that the vast majority of people in this world struggle to stay alive and would swap places with me in a heartbeat.
Fuck being scared.
Fuck not being confident in my abilities.
Fuck not knowing what’s going to happen.
Fuck my insecurities.
Fuck not feeling that I’m good enough yet.
Fuck people that feel sorry for me.
Fuck the people that think I’m crazy.
Fuck responsibility.
Fuck guilt.
Fuck Plan B.
Fuck people with their morning fix of coffee.
Fuck the people that need to sit on the outside seat and won’t budge over.
Fuck the people that complain and whine.
Fuck people’s naivety.
Fuck the people that are offended by this.
Fuck the past.
Fuck the future.
Fuck it all
…and breathe…
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had other aspirations than the standard ‘deferred life plan’, even before reading the 4HWW. But I haven’t always lived that way. I still had (and have) fear, anxiety and scarcity ruling my decision making.
What’s interesting is that a few weeks after I had this ‘fuck it’ stream I noticed a book called ‘F**k it : The Ultimate spiritual way’. It’s a great example of how being in a certain frame of mind influences what you see and notice in the world. It’s a book that advocates saying ‘fuck it’ to everything that bothers us or is holding us back. In a way it’s Buddhist non-attachment and acceptance over resistance updated for the modern age.
I haven’t yet decided if saying ‘fuck it’ to everything is always a good place to come from. It could be coming from a negative place and cultivate negative energy. On the other hand you need to say ‘no’ to some things in order to be positive and say ‘yes’ to others. I guess it balances out that way.
If there’s anything you want to say ‘Fuck it / F**k it’ to then feel free to do so in the comments section. (Click on the ‘Comments’ link at the top of the post under the title).
