How I came to my decision: The emotional version
Warning! This post contains a lot of swearing.
I always wonder how much of our lives is driven by emotions and rationalizations rather than strict rationality. I think we’re a lot more emotion driven than we think, in fact I think for many people only a small percentage of their decision making is rational. With that in mind I think it’s only fair to give you the emotional / irrational version of how I came to my decision to quit my job and go to Thailand in order to build up online income sources.
I think it was in the Autumn of 2008, I was sitting at work, watching TV (we always have Sky News or BBC News 24 on). There was a report on about the collapse of Lehman brothers and how everyone was so shocked an nobody saw this crisis coming, blah blah blah, same old, same old. And then it happened. I thought:
Fuck em.
Fuck em all.
Fuck the no-nothing journalists.
Fuck the bankers for leeching off the economic ecology to the point of systemic failure, yet again.
Fuck the economists who think they can predict things with their ‘models’, again.
Fuck the government for letting it all happen, again.
Fuck my commute to work.
Fuck reports
Fuck meetings
Fuck corporate gobble-de-gook.
Fuck corporate ‘mission statements’ and ‘values’.
Fuck wearing a suit.
Fuck my job.
Fuck how it will look on my CV / Resume.
Fuck having a career.
Fuck the economy.
Fuck feeling guilty over the fact that the vast majority of people in this world struggle to stay alive and would swap places with me in a heartbeat.
Fuck being scared.
Fuck not being confident in my abilities.
Fuck not knowing what’s going to happen.
Fuck my insecurities.
Fuck not feeling that I’m good enough yet.
Fuck people that feel sorry for me.
Fuck the people that think I’m crazy.
Fuck responsibility.
Fuck guilt.
Fuck Plan B.
Fuck people with their morning fix of coffee.
Fuck the people that need to sit on the outside seat and won’t budge over.
Fuck the people that complain and whine.
Fuck people’s naivety.
Fuck the people that are offended by this.
Fuck the past.
Fuck the future.
Fuck it all
…and breathe…
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had other aspirations than the standard ‘deferred life plan’, even before reading the 4HWW. But I haven’t always lived that way. I still had (and have) fear, anxiety and scarcity ruling my decision making.
What’s interesting is that a few weeks after I had this ‘fuck it’ stream I noticed a book called ‘F**k it : The Ultimate spiritual way’. It’s a great example of how being in a certain frame of mind influences what you see and notice in the world. It’s a book that advocates saying ‘fuck it’ to everything that bothers us or is holding us back. In a way it’s Buddhist non-attachment and acceptance over resistance updated for the modern age.
I haven’t yet decided if saying ‘fuck it’ to everything is always a good place to come from. It could be coming from a negative place and cultivate negative energy. On the other hand you need to say ‘no’ to some things in order to be positive and say ‘yes’ to others. I guess it balances out that way.
If there’s anything you want to say ‘Fuck it / F**k it’ to then feel free to do so in the comments section. (Click on the ‘Comments’ link at the top of the post under the title).
October 15th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Good read, and I can appreciate the sentiment. I enjoyed reading “4HWW,” and the best thing I took from it was a different way of looking at my money and my time. I admit to being a bit skeptical of other parts of it.
In any case, best of luck with the Muse development. I am heading to Thailand myself in 6 weeks or so.
Cheers
October 15th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Hey Martin,
In my case it helps that I knew a few people living the 4HWW life-style before I read the book.
Well maybe they aren’t all working 4 hours a week, but all they need is a laptop and an internet connection and they can do their work or run their web sites.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
You’re right. Seeing examples of it in person would be a big help.
To clarify, I’m not skeptical about the feasibility of creating an e-based business, more about the way it was presented in the book.
I’m looking forward to reading about your progress.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
hahahaha
the “fuck them” meltdown!!!
really liked the honest raw undiluted emotion in this. IRREVERSIBLE!!
reminded me of that scene in “into the wild” (amazing movie if you haven’t seen it) where alexander supertramp and vince vaughn get drunk and rant about society.
glorious
haha
keep well and in touch mate
awwwwsome site all round too. dopeness deluxe.
alex – unleash reality
October 16th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Cheers Alex,
LOL, ‘fuck-them melt-down’ is a nice term. Yes it’s irreversible… but that’s life… no eternal recurrence as far as I know!
I haven’t seen that movie, but have heard about it.
October 21st, 2009 at 4:37 am
You are a brave brave man to quit your job and pursue your dreams.
You are the MAN! I wish you best of luck in your endeavors. Do note that it will not be a smooth journey though
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:13 am
Saying fuck it to my career was the best decision I ever made.
A colleague came up to me and showed me his 40 year service trophy (about 3 inches tall), told me he got less than a months wage in addition as a bonus for it. The possibility of another year in a sunlight adverse factory was scary let alone getting a 40year trophy for it – fuck that.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
This was an awesome read. I have SO had this experience in corporate America. I walked right out of it a few years ago, freelanced and consulted….got seduced by a nice salary last year, and remembered a few months in why I just cannot do corporate America. I ditched it. I still work for a company, but it’s work-at-home, and my schedule is largely my own. Much better.
Good for you for doing something about the “fuck it” feeling. I look forward to reading about this new chapter in your life – exciting!
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:15 am
Yeah, fuck it. Get out there, haha. I like it.